Drumroll please....

Are you ready?
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No seriously, are you ready?
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I don't think you're ready....
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Ok, I think you're ready...
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AF is here. :( Fuck my life. (Did you REALLY think this was going to be a BFP post?)

*sigh*

So, this was our last chance at parenthood since we have no more refills of Clo.mid and we sure as hell aren't getting pregnant without help, that's for sure. Now all I have to look forward to is months of Adderall (sp?) to hopefully lose the extra weight. I don't even know that my doctor is going to prescribe me more Clo.mid when I go back to see him. He may just say "Nope, no more. Here's an RE's number."

Negative tests for approximately a week now, even though friggin Web.MD says I can't test until Monday. Bullshit. I've been doing this long enough now to know that I should have gotten a positive test (even a faint one) if I were even remotely pregnant. I don't even have any symptoms. Yet, no one seems to believe me when I say we just aren't going to ever be parents. They just keep feeding false hope. Good thing I know the truth or it could really screw with a girl.

So, as soon as AF decides to show her ugly ass face, this cycle will be over. And quite possibly, our whole TTC "career". Damn. That really sucks. I really thought higher powers would take pity on me and realize that this is my only chance left to be a mom for quite a while...or forever. Guess they don't care. Guess I'm not worth it. Guess I was right all along.

Shit. This feels pretty crappy.

It's hair straightening night.

So I don't have a lot of time to post what I want since straightening my hair takes FOREVER. It's short but it still takes like 1-2 hours. It's the worst night of the week, LOL. So instead, I'll just post the highlights.

1. I was asked to handle an acquistion at work which means more responsibility and being the case manager for an entire new portion of the company. It's a lot to handle but I'm so excited to do it. I'm also hoping it comes with a nice raise next month. *wink wink*
2. My husband is currently working on a job for a hospital owned and ran by the state. He installs alarms, security cameras, etc and they want $350,000 worth of equipment. Since my husband is the salesman for the company, he makes a commission usually of about 15%. Even if he gets 10% of this job, his bonus will be $35,000! I'm not counting on it, but it sure would be nice. We could definitely use the money to get ahead for sure. I could pay off bills, pay my mom back, pay off back child support, pay for a good lawyer, pay for fertility treatments, a new car, and use the rest to redo the kitchen and basement the way we want. And hopefully still have money to put in the bank afterwards. But like I said, I'm not counting on it.
3. I read an article in the local paper about how awful family court is and how unfair it is to the parent who wants to be in their child's life. So I wrote to the editor and told him my story. He contacted me back this morning and wanted my number so he could do a story on us. I'm stoked! The girl in the article I read was lucky enough to get the Chief Justice to represent her case, which is what I'm hoping for. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
4. I'm pretty sure I saw a shadow of a small child in my bedroom last night. I thought it was a shadow of something explainable but then it moved and disappeared. I was a little freaked out but what kind of paranormal investigator would I be if I screamed like a little girl? Instead, I just closed my eyes tight and hid my head in hubby's chest. LOL
5. I'm having good feelings about this cycle. DH and I have been really close lately and I'm loving it. We're spending time together and we've really timed baby making pretty nicely. Now I'm just praying for the final outcome.
6. I know I probably shouldn't post this, but earlier last week my sister confided in me that she might be pregnant. She's 19 and only been with her boyfriend for 2 months and neither of them have a good job or money to fall back on. Turns out she wasn't pregnant but her cycles are really off. I just told her today that she could have PCOS like I do because my issues started at the same age she is now. I'm hoping she doesn't have PCOS but I'm also really glad she's not pregnant.
7. I CANNOT wait until Alice in Wonderland comes out in the movies with Johnny Depp! I love the cartoon and the movie looks so wickedly crazy! Speaking of crazy, I also want to see the movie The Crazies and I have still yet to see Avatar.

Hmm, I think that's about it. I should get to my hair now or I'm going to work looking like Carrot Top tomorrow. Yikes. O_O