You learn something new every day.

So, it turns out I'm allergic to cherries. Awesome.

For about the last year or so, every time I would eat cherries, my throat, mouth, ears, and glands would itch like a bastard. I thought it was possibly just pesticides or something, so I just laid off how many I ate. It didn't stop. Same thing would happen when I ate peaches, but never when I ate apples, grapes, bananas or any other fruit.

Tonight, my aunt brought over cherries soaked in vodka. She left about 6 of them on the table and no one was eating them so I decided to give them a whirl.

Bad idea.

Almost instantly, my throat and ears and neck started to itch badly. Since this was probably about the fifth time it happened and I figured the vodka would probably kill any pesticides on the fruit, I decided to goo.gle allergies to cherries. Although I am not severely allergic to them to the point of vomiting and not being able to breathe, I do have what is called OAS or Oral Allergy Syndrome. It says if you're allergic to cherries, you may also be allergic to peaches and/or birch. Yeah, I'm not sure who is going around eating birch, but I don't think I have to worry about that one.

It listed the same symptoms I get exactly so it's kind of hard to deny. I guess I'll just stay away from cherries for a long time. Damn. :(

* * * * * *

I got my paperwork in the mail for the surgery today. My appointment is July 14th at 8am. I'm having a pelvic laparoscopy with an HSG again. Fabulous. Of course, I'm not worried about surgery. What I'm really worried about is having to pay anything out of pocket for this. I really hope my insurance covers it because I can't afford to take on another huge doctor's bill. My insurance covered the other surgery I had a few years ago and I have the same insurance now so I'm guessing they will at least cover most of it. I'm going to call them just to be sure though.

I'll be out of work for 1-2 days which means if I'm not totally healed by that Friday, I'll have a 5 day weekend. A 5 day *birthday* weekend that is, so that totally sucks. I really hope this does something or at least gives us answers because 6 fucking years of this shit is more than enough. I'm well past being sick of it; I'm completely fed up. If he doesn't find anything wrong and gives me the option of Clo.mid or Clo.mid and IUI, I'll most likely do the C and IUI but since I don't think insurance will cover most or all of it, I will only be able to do so many rounds. After that, I'll just take it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. I can't afford IVF and if I can't afford IVF, I can't afford adoption. I don't want to go either of those routes anyway but it pretty much stops at IUIs.

I feel like a dying dog on his last leg and hoping that a cat will saunter by and give me one of it's nine lives. I'm hoping for a chance in hell.

Do you like getting presents early?

Yeah me too...usually. I do not however, want the present I'm going to get in the beginning of July; a few weeks before my birthday. Wanna know what it is?

Laparoscopy.


Yep. Surgery that will leave me with 3 or 4 holes in my tummy and doesn't get me a step closer to conceiving, only one step closer to figuring out what the fuck is wrong with my body. After that, he suggests more Clo.mid but if I want to, we can do Clo.mid with IUI. Ugh. I always hoped I wouldn't have to get this far. I never wanted to hear the words IUI and the fact of the matter is, it's so close I can taste it. Nevermind that he put me on Pro.vera today so my 15 day long period can stop...and then start again. Fun. Stupid body.

Oh and what else did I do today? Yep, got a tooth filled. About 2 hours after my appointment at the doctor's, which I forgot to mention was just lovely. The nurse asked me if I was spotting or had a normal flow and I said "light". She said "Oh, well he can still do the pap smear then". Fan-frikkin-tastic. It was gross as hell and I was so afraid I would be a nasty mess for my dentist appointment. Luckily, it seemed to be ok but I was NOT looking forward to getting a tooth filled.

It took two shots of novacaine and another shot of a novacaine mixture. Whatever was in the third mix really kicked my ass...and is still kicking my ass. It made me incredibly tired and I literally could have fallen asleep during the drilling. Who can do that? I was about two seconds away from doing it, that's all I know. As soon as it started, it was over. That was the quickest tooth filling I've ever had and it's no surprise because feeling the tooth now, it doesn't even feel like he filled the entire tooth.

Whatever, I'm too tired mentally and physically to give a crap. I'm so tired, I'm not even thinking twice about wearing my hair curly tomorrow. Frig straightening my hair...it's over-rated anyways.

It's official.

I'm going to write a book. Do you know what you need to write a book? Yep. A topic. No I do not know how I'm going to write a book without a topic but not because I don't have one. I have too many. I mean, I could write about photography, infertility, being from the smallest town in the smallest state in the US, aspirations of being a ridiculously successful fashion photographer (heh), and many, many other things. Or all of those things rolled into one.

Like I said to my husband last night though; who the hell is going to want to read MY book? I bought Tori Spelling's book "sTori Telling" and I know what you're thinking..."Oh yeah, that sounds reallllll interesting" but seriously, it's a really good read. I've been watching her show for a little while now and I have genuinely fallen in love with her family. She seems so down to earth and able to laugh at herself and unlike so many Hollywood parents, actually seems to have a real interest and hand in her children's upbringing. She has seriously inspired me to just go for it and write a book already since I've talked about it for years, but never really put more thought into it. Unlike her though, I'm not famous and my name isn't already out there. So, what do I do?

Any suggestions?

I may have jumped the gun a bit

So, I woke up crabby yesterday as you can tell because my allergies were just about killing me, I thought AF was here (more on that in a minute), and I kept reading everyone's posts on Face.Book about Mother's Day. As the day went on though, I realized that things really weren't that bad.

I completely thought AF started. I have been spotting since Friday and I'm still spotting today but less than before. Not dark red, although sometimes pink. No cramps but I do have sore boobies. I'm not sure what my body is doing right now but I'm not thinking too much into it. Whatever it decides to do is fine by me. I'm not even going to worry about it. I have an appointment on the 25th with my OB and I'm going to ask him what the next steps are. Do I take more Clo.mid? Do I start IUIs? Do I have to go more drastic? Whatever it takes, I'm going to do. Enough is enough. I'm going to be proactive. If I'm not going to go get what I want, then I shouldn't be sitting around whining about it either. So instead, I'm going to go get what I want.

Back to yesterday...I got up at about 9 because DH didn't wake me up in time to go to breakfast before his soccer game. So, we got dressed and headed to soccer. Thankfully it was playoffs so we were only there for 30 minutes because they lost. Stinks for them, but good for me. We stopped and bought my mom some gorgeous purple hanging flowers and stopped to get strawberries and chocolate chips. I went home and made a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting and...*drumroll please*...chocolate covered strawberries on top. Yummmm! My aunt, sister, and her boyfriend came over and the cake was literally devoured in 10 minutes. I knew I should have taken a picture of it before we ravaged it. It was pretty though and damn good, too. My mom had a great day and we all spent time together. Ultimately, it turned out to be a really nice day especially since it's the first really sunny day we've had in a week.

My husband got the mail that we had gotten on Saturday, but forgot to take out of the mailbox. My cousin in At.lant.a sent me a Mother's Day card. She's always been more like a sister than a cousin to me and knows what DH and I have been going through. She doesn't know it yet, but we've always said that if we are ever blessed with a child, we're going to ask her to be our first born's godmother. What she wrote in the card just validates why we want her to be the godmother:

"Even though you haven't yet been blessed with a child of your own, doesn't mean your day won't come. You will make an amazing mother someday and when you do, your child will be so lucky. And just because you don't yet see A (stepson) like you should, doesn't make you any less of a mother. You have so much love to give to a baby and I can't wait for your day to come. I hope you enjoy Mother's Day because this day is as much for you as it is for any other mom out there. I miss you and I'll see you soon."

I can't even type that without blinking through tears. When I opened the card and read that yesterday, I had to stop because I was literally sobbing. It was so heartfelt and touching and there was just no way I could have a bad day after reading that. I'm really glad I'm related to her because she's not only my cousin, she's my sister and one of my best friends. She's coming up here on the 22nd and I can't wait! I think we'll take her to lunch. :)

Needless to say, it was a really good day and a really good weekend. I dyed my hair again last night, LOL. Turns out deep burgundy *IS* darker than regular burgundy. So, it looks like I have the darkest color brownish red you can get before black...and I kinda like it. I swear I heard "I really like your hair that color" about 20 times today at work. I guess that's a good thing. Pictures to come soon, I promise.

Anyway, to make up for yesterday's "poor me" post...I just wanted to say a belated Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's who read here. Your children are so incredibly lucky to have you as their moms and I'm so incredibly lucky to call you friends. Your words, thoughts, and friendship mean more to me than you'll ever know or I'll ever be able to express. You all have a special place in my heart.

<3

Happy Mothers Day

This is obviously not my favorite holiday by any means but Happy Mothers Day to anyone who is a mother to an actual human, instead of a dog, like me. I don't want to be wished a happy mothers day today because a dog doesn't count, to me anyways. I got a gift today though because the universe loves me so much (eyeroll)....yup, good morning AF. Gosh, how thoughtful.

For your entertainment.

This post initially was going to be something different, but instead, I'm just going to post a whole slew of pictures I've taken from all over the place. My days normally don't go the way I want them to nor do the weeks, months or years, but the one thing that will always go right for me is photography. I fully believe photography has endless possibilities. You can take pictures of anything and everything and even if you take a picture of the same thing 4 or 5 times, it's not going to look exactly the same in every picture. It's my passion, my hobby, my boredom and time killer and eventually one day, my career. Without further ado, I present the pictures for your entertainment...













If you want to see more pictures, email me at mrsdrink318@yahoo.com and I'll give you the link to my website and/or to my Fa.ce.bo.ok. :)